Quan Yin’s Risk


Did you know the droning comfort of the suburb will drive a sane woman mad? The constant hum to stay safe, unscathed will close her off from life, from her life, and thus her heart. I used to ski down the white powdery snow, with bright blue skies overhead. Snow laden trees silent witness to the course I carefully carved. I had to be perfect. Wind biting my ears the only discomfort I felt until I reach the bottom of the mountain. I didn't fall. Because I didn't risk
a jump
a steeper side
a slicker run
I vanquished the mountain unscathed. Nothing to rejoice. I didn't risk the freedom of flight, so I felt numb every time.

It's true we must push past our comfort zone. The hum calling you to be a clone can be mesmerizing. And yet, be aware of swinging the pendulum too far – and whipping yourself into exhausted, extreme living. There comes a time and place when pushing yourself to another summit, just to conquer another mountaintop isn’t the real challenge. The real test comes when you face the fear of falling off the self-constructed pedestal. When we are ready, when we ask, Quan Yin, a gentle breeze, or the comforting reminder of yourself as Unconditional Love comes rushing back. And there is only one risk that matters: Being Love.

The fear of being the best isn’t so daunting or paralyzing when you accept yourself for who you are. Love yourself enough to establish boundaries with loved ones: friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, sisters, brothers. Giving only because you are willing, not just because you can. Holding your boundaries because your opinion of yourself matters more than theirs.

Today I told her I love her. Walked right up to her in front of everyone. And yet it was as if no one was there. Told her how I loved me and where the line in the sand stood. I waited. Breath caught in my throat. Wind teased under my wings. I had risked the jump, the steeper side, the slicker run.

Suddenly it didn’t much matter what she said. I told her I love her and I love me. I flew. I was free.